John: *the only thing expected in my new life is that one word, my path up to this point a corkscrew*
John: *finding out what I was, and why I was only serving to make things even screwier*
John: *blood running through my veins holding the key to my origins, yet hidden triggers lurk at every turn, the seizures hitting without warning*
John: *there are no precursors to my brain fits, just the blackouts and memories that might as well not exist.*
John: *knowing they are there, in the pit of tar that takes up real estate in my mind*
John: *taking copious notes on detonators, @Zsadist_BDB instructing with a sharp gleam in his eyes*
John: *neck jerking sharply…plummeting into the blackness…*
Z: *Hearing the clatter of a chair and the thud of a body doing a meet and greet with the floor behind me, whipping around.* Fuck.
Z: *Quickly striding to @John_MatthewBDB’s side* Shit, hang on, John.
John: *this night like any other, only not*
John: *the chill in the air holding heavy foreboding, and not only in the thickness of the looming drops of rain*
John: *ice has settled into my bones, making itself at home*
John: *holding an uncanny awareness of every finite detail of each moment though significance escapes me*
John: *brushing the unexplainable aside as circumstance, an after effect of concern for my daughter, her transition looming*
John: *my brother @Wrath_BDB, the rightful king of our race, her greatest hope for survival. And yet he has just left my plea unsettled*
John: *departing the club on foot, leaving the rank odor of human sweat and spilled beer in my stead*
John: *my busy mind remaining unmitigated by the three beers I have just finished*
John: *each step I take placing me closer to something I am anticipating on a cellular level…something unwanted*
John: Something I cannot control.
John: Something I am enslaved to.
John: *this having already happened, I am but a memory*
John: *foot scraping against the pavement*
John: *my boot leaving an invisible imprint, a trace of me behind*
John: *every lift of my foot heavier, anchors holding me against fate*
John: *the sound of my foot meeting land echoing through the air*
John: *taking a thick inhale through my nostrils, air filling my lungs. Life*
John: *my hand meeting cool smooth metal, opening the door of my BMW. Leather sliding against leather as I sink into my beauty, closing myself in*
John: *thoughts turning to @DrHavers_BDB as an option to save my daughter, perhaps it is he who can give her the chance at life I dream for her*
John: Preoccupation is the enemy’s ally.
John: *the key slips into the ignition*
John: *twisting my wrist, expecting to hear the roar of the engine*
John: *the hissing sound hitting my ears, slamming the premonition into my mind in the space of a moment*
John: The rhythm unmistakable.
John: *White heat. Blindness. Searing flesh. Perforating eardrums. Ash on my tongue.*
John: *light travels faster than sound, a fact*
John: *but at the precipice of death by incineration, my senses melding as the flesh does to bone, the body to ash*
John: *heat engulfing me as I am robbed of my sight, blindness unable to save me from the realization of agony*
John: *my eardrums sucking inward in a vortex of heat, the scent of seared flesh – my flesh – locking into my neuro-pathways*
John: Deafness can’t silence the internal scream.
John: *jaw popping wide in reaction, the taste of ash sinking into each bud on my tongue, before my tongue disintegrates*
John: The taste of my own ash my last.
John: @BethR_BDB, my daughter.
John: *light replacing the black, coming to, awakening the the scarred face of @Zsadist_BDB, using a firm tone to command me out of my stupor*
Z: *holding @John_MatthewBDB steady, trying to keep him hurting himself* C’mon kid. Come the fuck back. John?
John: *@Zsadist_BDB’s voice muted as if I’m emerging from underwater. Taking shallow breaths, realizing my mouth is gaping in a silent scream*
Z: *Thank fuck @John_MatthewBDB is starting to register, meeting his eyes*
John: *a fleck of concern in @Zsadist_BDB’s buttery eyes dissipating as I regain composure*
John: *the aftermath of the seizures never pleasant, the grip of fatigue white-knuckle tight, my body disoriented, trying to regain equilibrium*
John: Always the same.
John: This time different.
John: The missing time the only familiar.
John: *skin prickling with remnants of heat, my throat arid, thick with the taste of smoke, the smell of singed hair assaulting my nose*
John: *an unmistakable desperation driving me to see…her*
John: @BethR_BDB, my sister