Lassiter: *tapping the toe of my Belleville boot in time with Kings of Leon on my iPod, singing out loud at random moments*
Donnie Donald: *checking that everything is running smoothly, first shift as Manager on Duty*
Donnie Donald: *smelling fresh of AXE and ready to tackle anything that comes my way, make this the best shift my Golden Arches has ever seen*
Lassiter: *arching a brow in response to a soccer mom’s stern face at my declaration that my sex just happens to be on fire*
Lassiter: *assuring her* No lie. *continuing to wait my turn in line at this Deliverance-inspired McDonald’s*
Lassiter: *Catching an eyeful of the latest Happy Meal toy from the kid in front of me…Legos* KICK ASS.
Donnie Donald: *walking up to Regina, turning so the customers don’t hear me* Step on it, there’s a line starting to form. Don’t make me put you on fries.
Lassiter: *Earning another look from the mom before moving ahead in the line. She should hear what her little guy here just discovered about anatomy.*
Lassiter: *Makes my slight taint on her righteous ears not nearly as offensive as what thine eyes could see.*
Lassiter: Rock on, little dude… *offers a ringed fistbump to the kid who delivers despite not knowing why*
Lassiter: *Taking my place before the register and scanning the elegant feasts to behold at this fine dining establishment*
Lassiter: Now what would a half dead vampire require for fortitude…
Lassiter: *checking the badge of my highly skilled servant this evening* Regina…I am requiring two of your Big Mac combos. And I do mean big.
Donnie Donald: *listening to the customer order, and Regina is not saying the magic words, shaking my head* @Lassiter_BDB
Lassiter: *flashing Regina a whiter than white smile* And let’s see…five Happy Meals. No, ten. Ten Happy Meals.
Donnie Donald: *eyes going wide as I hear @Lassiter_BDB add Happy Meals to the order, doing an about face, offering a winning smile*
Lassiter: *looking at the woman next to me* Got a car full of heathens out there. No sweat though…left the windows cracked. *wide smile*
Donnie Donald: *glaring at Regina as I inconspicuously nudge her out of the way*@Lassiter_BDB. We will Supersize the Big Mac meals for free.
Donnie Donald: @Lassiter_BDB Since my employee here forgot to ask. Did you say ten Happy Meals? *eyeing this one, he has more bling than a pawn shop*
Donnie Donald: *upsell..upsell..upsell*
Lassiter: @DonnieMcDs_BDB Donnie…my man. Knew you had that look about you. *leans in* Power, Donnie. *sniffs* You got it.
Donnie Donald: *smiling at my success so early in the shift* @Lassiter_BDB *leans over* It’s the AXE, man. You should try it. *ringing you up*
Lassiter: @DonnieMcDs_BDB Ten. *holds up hands, fingers splayed to ensure you can count fully*
Lassiter: Say, @DonnieMcDs_BDB…how much you charge for just those Legos? *rolling my ringed fingers over the scratched counter, rings tapping*
Lassiter: *And that ain’t AXE I smell, Donnie old chap. That is the inadequacy of your predestined managerial grease-slicked future*
Donnie Donald: *curious at how @Lassiter_BDB knows of the super secret purchase initiative, maybe he’s a secret shopper, must be. Well played McD’s*
Donnie Donald: @Lassiter_BDB’s *stating confidently * Why, if you’d just like the toy it’s $5.00 a piece. *franchise of the month stars in my eyes*
Lassiter: @DonnieMcDs_BDB *beaming a saint-worthy grin* Well, Donnie. I don’t care how many you got. But I’ll take ’em all. *looks over shoulder…*
Lassiter: *..past the startled glances of those who overheard to a corner booth* @DonnieMcDs_BDB Tell me what the damage is…and deliver it all to me over there. *pointing over heads to the corner booth for @DonnieMcDs_BDB to see*
Donnie Donald: @Lassiter_BDB Let me check our stock. *beating feet to the back, taking inventory like a whipper snapper, hurrying out* $300.00 even, Sir.
Lassiter: @DonnieMcDs_BDB *peeling off bills from a roll* You’re going far, Donnie boy. *winks* Don’t make me wait though.
Donnie Donald: *snapping fingers at Regina* Unbox those Legos now or you’ll be working graveyard.
Lassiter: *Turning and parting the red and yellow lovin’ sea to saunter over to the corner booth*
Lassiter: *Folding my frame into the booth, giving those eyeballing me a winning smile*
Donnie Donald: *snapping the Legos Regina delivers out of her greasy little palms* I’ll deliver these. You, back on the register.
Donnie Donald: *thinking to grab a pair of scissors, nearly dancing over to@Lassiter_BDB, placing the stock of Legos in front of him*
Donnie Donald: *putting the scissors down* @Lassiter_BDB I thought you could use these. *smiling confidently, standing straight and tall*#ManagerOfTheYear
Lassiter: Shit, @DonnieMcDs_BDB. You got rockets in your shoes? *spinning the scissors like a gun, then blowing on the tips*
Donnie Donald: @Lassiter_BDB *and Ronald McDonald in my soul*
Lassiter: *opening the scissors, the first bag in hand* @DonnieMcDs_BDB You might want to step back. *poker face*
Donnie Donald: @Lassiter_BDB You’re going to make them…here? *was sure he had a Duggar size brood waiting somewhere*
Lassiter: @DonnieMcDs_BDB I am. *quickly unwrapping the small bags of Legos, separating colors with unnatural yet veiled speed*
Donnie Donald: @Lassiter_BDB Okay then. I’ll be back in a moment. *hurrying to the back grabbing a rag. Need to be on my game for this secret shopper*
Lassiter: *Nodding to a few mini humans that succumb to curiosity as I begin to build…*
Lassiter: *Singing again* Hey kids, plug into the faithless. Maybe they’re blinded, but Bennie makes them ageless…
Lassiter: *Hums a little…hands flipping, turning, and connecting. And constructing greatness. Of sorts.*
Lassiter: *Ignoring the crowd accumulating around me as the structure expands, switching up my stellar vocals* BENNIE…BENNIE…BENNIE…YEEAAAHHHH
Donnie Donald: *returning to the vicinity, wiping down the pictures around me. observing out of the corner of my eye* @Lassiter_BDB I am the manager here.
Lassiter: @DonnieMcDs_BDB I knew it. *hands flying* Can’t hide that aggressive, take life by the horns persona my friend. *lives in his mama’s house*
Donnie Donald: @Lassiter_BDB *yeah, you knew it because you’re a SECRET SHOPPER. Whispers again* It’s the AXE.
Donnie Donald: *service with a smile, service with a smile. FORCING a huge smile*@Lassiter_BDB My last name is Donald. Donnie Donald.
Donnie Donald: @Lassiter_BDB D-O-N-N-I-E space D-O-N-A-L-D. Mom thought it sounded cute.
Lassiter: @DonnieMcDs_BDB It totally does, Donnie. *Smiling for the flashing cameras from phones, standing to reach the pinnacle of what I have built*
Donnie Donald: *moving to wipe down the tables closest to @Lassiter_BDB*
Lassiter: Donnie Donald? Humans…
Lassiter: *Admiring my work* http://yfrog.com/kle08aqmj
Donnie Donald: *eyeing what @Lassiter_BDB has built* Jesus. Mary and Joseph. *eyes wide*
Lassiter: *Reaches out for @DonnieMcDs_BDB’s hand, pumps it firmly giving him a little extra credit to remember the night* You keep it. Gotta bail.
Donnie Donald: *feeling the need to bless myself* @Lassiter_BDB How did you do that? *checking the clock*
Lassiter: @DonnieMcDs_BDB Ancient Roman secret. I could tell you, but then I’d have to damn you. *beams*
Lassiter: *Bows to my numerous admirers asking my name for their videos on my way out, answering them* il Papa…il Papa…
Lassiter: *Asses out the door, balancing the Cokes and Le Big Macs. Chow for my new best temporary buddy.* #BDB
Donnie Donald: *resisting the urge to chase after @Lassiter_BDB for…something. He was something special. Like me.* #BDB #ImLovinIt